Getting through "it's over".
It’s a difficult decision, but once that decision is made, the next decision is when to share it. Once the words have been said, there is no going back. Even though you know in your heart of hearts that you don’t want to go back, it is still hard to utter those words “I’m done, we’re finished, it’s over”. How easy it was to say “I do” those many years ago. When you said these words, the coupling process began. The words “I’m done” are usually fraught with fear, doubt, worry and a glimmer and sometimes a prayer that the next chapter holds a life we now dream about. It is no wonder that there is an immense amount of emotional turmoil as you try to gather enough strength and courage to face this moment, the moment when the uncoupling begins.
Let’s think for a moment about the process of changing jobs. Somewhere along the way in your job you would have to be having thoughts about other potential opportunities that your believed would be better for you. Human beings by nature strive to improve, to be more, to give more, to contribute more, to have a meaningful life. As new desires and dreams become more real and vivid to you, you will begin to connect strongly with the feelings that arise in you when you are thinking about those dreams. The change you envision making will fulfill your need for security, connection, appreciation, respect and the thoughts about, growing and contributing beyond yourself. The momentum that builds up to make a change in jobs, careers etc. is similar to that of a change in relationships. The pace and frequency of the thoughts that question the current situation begin to quicken as you become more and more aware of how the present situation is disconnected from your new goals, desires & dreams. The gap between what you have and what you want widens. The process of conscious uncoupling then begins. This is when the head and heart no longer feel drawn towards the current situation. The thoughts now are around making plans that have nothing to do with furthering or bettering the present relationship. You have already tried to mend your marriage and now opportunities and people now start to show up in your life to help you make the change. Now is the time to share your decision.
I invite you to think about the uncoupling and getting to “I’m done”, as a process that has been happening over time and is a valued part of your life. It is a crucial one that you will remember for a very long time, and you get to choose how you will remember it. Would you prefer your memory of it and the story you tell yourself about it, to be filled with understanding & acceptance?